okay, so i'm not really happy with the fact that a bunch of people are now talking to me because a) i don't know you... and b) you're just talking to me because i'm in a relationship. Honestly!!! who cares??? it's not like i don't care about my relationship, but it's not a big deal!!! i'm probably not going to fall "head over heels" in love, but i know this relationship will last at least 4 months or so because we get along that well... so whatever. i gotta go, class ended.

Dumb High School

why is it that when people are in high school, they always find some reason to create drama. it's pointless, it's stupid, and it's rude!! like, do you have some attention disorder where everyone's focus has to be on you?? get over yourself!! i don't understand how anyone could be so selfish as to creating up rumors or drama about someone just so other people will talk to you?!?!?
and what about creating obsurd generalizaations about a group of people, whether it's their sex, hair color, or ethnicity?? you're stupid & you probably don't know shit about them!!!! for example, brazilians aren't going to automatically shoot you when they see you just because you're white; they'll probably shoot you because you're a stupid bitch!!!!
and oh yeah, don't automatically assume that gay people come from satan! like the "bible says", everyone is made in god's image!!! so stop being a hypocrite!!! and aren't you a homosexual?? so SHUT UP!!! god!
and if you haven't noticed, i was being sarcastic for most of this blog. im not stupid, i just have bad sense of humor.

my own beowulf blog....

okay, so i wasn't able to find the ap lit blog so i'm just going to write about beowulf here so my attempts to do this assignment are noticed. anyways, i find it really interesting how they use so many god references, ie: "Thank god that grendel was conquered..." or something like that. but at the same time, i'm not really surprised that they use those references because religion was such a big thing. But yeah, i kind of find it funny how beowulf gets "stabbed" by grendel's mom and the blade just bends off of him and he fights and kills her underwater.... haha. not to state the obvious, but if beowulf really was real, then this story was exaggerated just a little bit... :)

A Bunch of *SIGHS*

*sigh*. i want to know , why is this so important? what i mean by important is, why does everyone tihnk/want to know if kevin and i are going out?? truthfully, we're not. as of right now. im not sure if he'll ask me to be his girlfriend... but i wouldn't say no. i mean, i'll be a little unsure because i don't want it to be a total flop. like, you know. freshman year was with blake because that was just a total joke.
i look foward to seeing him/talking to him at school because we do talk about a lot of things, and he is funny. and im pretty sure he flirts with me, i mean people who have "observed" us i.e: at the volleyball game, certainly do think so. im excited. kind of.
but at the same time i sort of try to "avoid" him, like i did with connor because i guess i'm afraid that if i do get too "close" with him then he will start to act like connor. you know, with all of the huggie/touchie things. and im not like that unless i'm completely confidant in the relationship & being with him. and just in general, i'm not the type of person who displays public signs of affection in public. unless the moment is extremely romantic and people aren't really around/watching us. i don't know why, i'm just not comfortable with it. and i don't know why but i don't like people calling him "heavy kevy". it's just not an attractive name. it's not like i'll make people stop calling him that, or whatever. it's just that i've heard better nicknames. like jagerstratter, halfnickel, romeo. and those are amazing nicknames because they are mine.
:)

another thing... *evenbiggersigh*. "mickey" and "minnie" are going through some issues, too and it just hurts me because i've never had a relationship with my brother before and just seeing them fight, it's horrible. they really do love and care about each other . but minnie has done some things that she's not completely proud of, but doesn't really take back. i mean, if you know the situation, it makes sense and it's completely understandable, but it's sad.
mickey wants to protect minnie but doesn't really know how to tell her and minnie wants to tell him so he doesn't get the wrong idea of her, because the things he's been told aren't really what they seem and she wants him to know and when she tried to tell him-- epic fail. *sigh*
mickey does care about her!!! he really does but he doesn't know how to talk to her & he comes across being mean and that he hates her, but he really doesn't!!!he said that he's trying to love her, but she makes it difficult. which i guess i can understand because not everyone gets along. but still.... *sigh*.
he's just trying to protect her and she knows that. and she, as much as she appreciates him trying to protect her, doesn't really want his protection and doesn't think that she needs it. but the truth is, she should take advantage of atleast some of his protection/advice because he just wants her to take it into consideration but she doesn't want to because she wants to be indpendant & who can blame her??? but at the same time, she really should just LISTEN to him (even if she doesn't follow it!!) because you never know when he's going to stop giving advice/ offering his help & protection. and, of course!, by then, she might want it and might need it.

you know what?? i told "mickey" this when we were alone yesterday, and i was completely honest!!! it was something like this, "I'm being 100% honest with you when i say this; i wish my brother cared for me even a little bit like you care for your sister."
I hope he really took that into consideration & hopefully he take that and realize that he should still keep on protecting her, or trying to protect her. I wish i told "minnie" that, and then maybe she'd atleast listen to what "mickey" is saying. It's not like she's completely ignoring him, but at the same time i got the impression that she's just openly refusing to listen to what he has to say!!!

i wish that they could work this out because it might cause some serious damage to their relationship.

fyi: if you hadn;t noticed this, the names have been changed to maintain/protect their privacy. i sort of wish that they'd read this so they could see both sides of their story.

PUT ON A SHIRT & GIMMIE MY MONEY, DAMMIT!!!!

okay, let me start off by saying that i am extremely pissed at my mtoher and sister carolyn because they are pretty much using me like an atm machine. my mom ( for suitable causes, i must admit) borrowed $300 dollars from me. and my sister, for her own personal reaosns, borrowed $100 from me. and funny thing, she wouldn't need $100 dollars from me if she wasn't lazy for no reason this summer and had gotten a second job which would ahve been the smart thing to do!!! but NOOOOOOOOO!! she didn't want to WORK more than she absolutely had to!!! lazy bitch. i know its bad that i don't like my sister carolyn all that much, but whatever. she's just all around annoying, but that's a different story.

anyways, here's my next subject for ranting.... KATIE HOGARTY PUT SOME CLOTHES ON THAT FIT YOU!!!! AND DONT HAVE ANY HOLES!!!! christ sake!!! you're no more a size 9 jean (even with all of the spandex/polyester in the world) than am i a size 3!!! COME ON!!! and never mind the whole holes right underneath the ass cheeks!!! even if you wear spandex or whatever underneath it, IT DOESNT COUNT!!!!! i know im a bitch saying this, but this is MY PRIVATE RANTING SPACE!! if you don't like it, i don't care!! a girl's gotta get her aggression out, somehow, right?? so why not here where no one else can get it?? people can only see it if they know your blog sight, but that's it!! no one else can get to it!!! ANYWAYS..... even if she wore clothes that fit her and were appropriate and not cheap looking ( im not saying that all walmart clothes look cheap, it's just the fit), then she'd look at least HALF decent. i know im not the prettiest girl in school and i don't have the best body, I KNOW IM FAT!! but atleast i dress appropriately according to my shape!! and just because i dress appropriately and according top my shape, does not mean that i can't look 'sexy' or whatever. *sigh*. and, oh yeah, BRUSH YOUR FIRGGIN TEETH, WASH YOUR HAIR EVERY NIGHT W/ SHAMPOO, PUT ON DEODERANT, AND DYE YOUR HAIR TO ONE GOOD COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and another thing, PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!!! letting your muffin top hang out in all of its cellulite glory is NOT SEXY!!!! again, buy some pants that fit you!!!...... CORRECTLY!!!! once again, YOU ARE NOT A SIZE 9!! EVEN WITH ALL OF THE SPANDEX AND POLYESTER IN THE WORLD; NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! admit it!!! i've grown to accept the fact that i'll never be a size 6 or whatever, you don't see me squeezing myself into a size 6 or 8 jean just because i WANT to be that size!!!! IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!!! get over it !!! gosh! for the love of our eyesight and sense of smell... CHANGE YOUR WAYS!!!

a major "fuck you"

okay. so im REALLY getting sick of my family, which, i guess, i snormal for someone my age. but im REALLY getting sick of them!! im basically mymom's bitchslave. and today i was telling my mom my list of colleges that i want to apply to and one of them was westfield. and if i do decide to go there, i'd have to live there. that's not settling too well with my father. he wants me to live at home because he wants to control everything that i am doing. he even said during a fight that we were having and i quote (verbatum!!), "...I control you!...". yeah, i don't think so!!!! I AM going to live at college if i want! THEY aren't paying for aNY of my college fees!!! we've already discussed this to some degree! they said, "We aren't going to support you financially while you're in college". does it get ANY more clear than that? if im paying for my college education, im going to go where i want if i can get the scholarships and get loans, etc. and i will stay there! just WAIT till im eighteen & get a tatto without him and without his consent or knowledge!!! that will be a giant FUCK YOU to him and it will only make me smile no matter HOW red in the face he gets!!!! but im only going to get the tatto if im sure that i want it.