i don't want to talk to you anymore about anything ever again because you, just like EVERYBODY ELSE, just makes me feel like a total idiot

yeah, guys, that's pretty much slef-explanitory. im so sick and tired of being the butt of everyone's stupid jokes!!! just because i don't understand something or don't know the meaning of a word does NOT mean i'm fucking stupid!!! I'm typing this rather quickly because i have to go make cookies with my fuckinga-hole of a mother before i "lose my cool"again, and get all "dramatic"....i guess it's a little hard for you to catch onto what i'm talking about because you're always caught up in what my other siblings are doing??? let's see.... like: EVERYTHING having to do with Jen, making sure that my 24 year old brother makes it to work on time, cleans his room, and doesn't skip his college classes. and oh yeah! we can't forget carolyn!!! with her depression and stress!!*hinthintsarcasm* she goes to school 4 days a week, if that!, works at a grocery store part time and lives at home without having to pay rent or anything! *gasp!*
i'm not saying that i have the worst life ever... i don't !!! i'm honestly, very grateful for everything my aprents have done for me, but whenever i do talk to my mtoher about something that is bothering me, etc, which to be honest isn't very often, she makes it seem as if it's nothign and that i'm creating drama out of nothing and that when i do say something on a serious matter, such as religion, or her patronizing my competance, i'm completely wrong and that everything i do and say is for attention..
why thank you for showing so much concern, mom!!.... NAHT!!! but let's remember, i'm no marissa!!! well, i mean, atleast not yet!!! i haven't gotten pregnant on purpose yet just so my boyfriend could stay with me and then get an abortion to keep the attention on me!!! AND OH WAIT!!! let's not forget the wedding!!! i wasn't as bad with jen's wedding as marissa is with tammy's.... i'm not criticising the ring in front of both the bride &groom -to-be and i am managed to keep my bad thoughts about jen's dress to myself whereas marrissa told tammy right in front of her face that she thought her wedding dress was ugly.....

here's a HUGE hint for those who don't know me or aren't familiar with my typing style and attitude, 99% of the entire latter paragraph is completely saracasm... i would enver talk to someone that way, never mind think those things!!!! but hey, according to my mom i'm JUST LIKE marrissa, who DOES do those things. ugh, whatever. i'm so tired of this. and by the way, when i'm angry about one thing, i don't stay angry at the same person when i'm doing something else. i only stay angry at that person when talking about that one specific incident; i don't "transfer" my anger from one thing or person to the next..... i guess i'm not THAT MUCH OF A BITCH *sigh* are you keeping up with figuring out what's sarcasm and what's not?!?!?!?

You Fucking Suck!!!!!

yeah, so i could have sworn that my mother said that my sister's party was going to be on the 29th with my nana, rahter than the day of her birthday.... nope. as usual, im freaking wrong. i know she thinks im stupid and im 95% sure that she'd call me stupid more often if i didnt cry when she did. but when i tell her this, she turns on her lovely-dovey mother act on; what bullshit!!! just the way she acts when she's mad, i know she'd say it because she knows that it's the only thing she says that hurts my feelings. ugh. AND SHE'S SO CONTROLING!!!!
literally, i walked in the door, put my bag down, then i went in to say hi to everyone. then she told me that carolyn's aprty was tonight( even though i thought she told me it was going to be wednesday) and that i couldn't go to kevin's house. then i went out to my car to get my backpack because i forgot it there. As i was coming up the driveway she called out the window that i needed to say happy birthday to my sister; i said that was fine. i walked in the door, put my stuff in my room and put my hair up, as i was putting my hair up she called me downstairs. so when i went downstairs she had a bitch ft about how i need to not be so grumpy and grouchy and say happy birthday to my sister and give her a hug; CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!! seriously, calm down!!!! i had only been home five minutes and she's already freaking out!!!!! yeah, it's one thing that i fucked up on the date of my sister's party, but yelling at me because i hadn't said happy birthday to her in the five minutes that i had gotten home.... seriously??? ugh, i wish i was making this shit up!!! but nope!!! that shit's my life!!! im soo lucky!!! ***hinthintsarcasm***ugh. i can't wait to live at college and GET AWAY FROM HER!!!! not so much my father because he's more mellow and only freaks out when my mom freks out and is probably getting annoyed with her yelling an constant bitching... he's just soooo incompetent.... did i spell that correctly?? i think so... anyways, i asked my dad if i could have some friends come over on halloween and he said that was fine, but i'd ahve to check with my mom..... she had better not say no because a) i already kind of invited everyone, and b) she's working, so why the fuck should she care?? oh wait!! she's my mom, she "has to care"... no she doesn't, not anymore, anyways.... don'et get me wrong, i think she did a great job raising me and stuff, but seriously, LET GO!!! even just a little bit.... but i guess she can't because i'm so stupid that she always has to keep track of me!!!!! ugh!!!!
im trying so hard to let whatever she says roll off because i don't want to fight; as a matter of fact, i don't want anything to do with her!!! i could fight soooooo much more with her, but due to the fact that i can't stand her, i avoid arguements and giving my two centes because i don't want to be around her, and "everything i say, i do for attention!"... you know, i find that to be soooo insulting and hurtful... whenever she says that or ahs said that in the past, it's just sooo bovious that she doesn;t give a rat's ass as to what i have to say, and it's like she's assuming that i do everything for attention and can't think for myself. i'm so sick and tired of being shot down like that; i feel like i'm pretty mature and goal oriented, and i know that i think for myself, i don't depend on others and any one of my friends could say, if asked, that i don't look for attention and don;t give a rats ass as to what people think of me. i don't feel like i should prove this to her anymore than i think i've tried to prove it to her, already. i feel like i've made this sooo bovious already, that if she doesn't see it now, then she'll never see it and therefore there's no point in even trying.
i'm just trying to hold everything in untill i go to college and don't have to keep myself from falling apart, anymore.

I just need to get this off of my chest... nobody really needs to pay attention to this

okay, so i'm not really happy with the fact that a bunch of people are now talking to me because a) i don't know you... and b) you're just talking to me because i'm in a relationship. Honestly!!! who cares??? it's not like i don't care about my relationship, but it's not a big deal!!! i'm probably not going to fall "head over heels" in love, but i know this relationship will last at least 4 months or so because we get along that well... so whatever. i gotta go, class ended.

Dumb High School

why is it that when people are in high school, they always find some reason to create drama. it's pointless, it's stupid, and it's rude!! like, do you have some attention disorder where everyone's focus has to be on you?? get over yourself!! i don't understand how anyone could be so selfish as to creating up rumors or drama about someone just so other people will talk to you?!?!?
and what about creating obsurd generalizaations about a group of people, whether it's their sex, hair color, or ethnicity?? you're stupid & you probably don't know shit about them!!!! for example, brazilians aren't going to automatically shoot you when they see you just because you're white; they'll probably shoot you because you're a stupid bitch!!!!
and oh yeah, don't automatically assume that gay people come from satan! like the "bible says", everyone is made in god's image!!! so stop being a hypocrite!!! and aren't you a homosexual?? so SHUT UP!!! god!
and if you haven't noticed, i was being sarcastic for most of this blog. im not stupid, i just have bad sense of humor.

my own beowulf blog....

okay, so i wasn't able to find the ap lit blog so i'm just going to write about beowulf here so my attempts to do this assignment are noticed. anyways, i find it really interesting how they use so many god references, ie: "Thank god that grendel was conquered..." or something like that. but at the same time, i'm not really surprised that they use those references because religion was such a big thing. But yeah, i kind of find it funny how beowulf gets "stabbed" by grendel's mom and the blade just bends off of him and he fights and kills her underwater.... haha. not to state the obvious, but if beowulf really was real, then this story was exaggerated just a little bit... :)

A Bunch of *SIGHS*

*sigh*. i want to know , why is this so important? what i mean by important is, why does everyone tihnk/want to know if kevin and i are going out?? truthfully, we're not. as of right now. im not sure if he'll ask me to be his girlfriend... but i wouldn't say no. i mean, i'll be a little unsure because i don't want it to be a total flop. like, you know. freshman year was with blake because that was just a total joke.
i look foward to seeing him/talking to him at school because we do talk about a lot of things, and he is funny. and im pretty sure he flirts with me, i mean people who have "observed" us i.e: at the volleyball game, certainly do think so. im excited. kind of.
but at the same time i sort of try to "avoid" him, like i did with connor because i guess i'm afraid that if i do get too "close" with him then he will start to act like connor. you know, with all of the huggie/touchie things. and im not like that unless i'm completely confidant in the relationship & being with him. and just in general, i'm not the type of person who displays public signs of affection in public. unless the moment is extremely romantic and people aren't really around/watching us. i don't know why, i'm just not comfortable with it. and i don't know why but i don't like people calling him "heavy kevy". it's just not an attractive name. it's not like i'll make people stop calling him that, or whatever. it's just that i've heard better nicknames. like jagerstratter, halfnickel, romeo. and those are amazing nicknames because they are mine.
:)

another thing... *evenbiggersigh*. "mickey" and "minnie" are going through some issues, too and it just hurts me because i've never had a relationship with my brother before and just seeing them fight, it's horrible. they really do love and care about each other . but minnie has done some things that she's not completely proud of, but doesn't really take back. i mean, if you know the situation, it makes sense and it's completely understandable, but it's sad.
mickey wants to protect minnie but doesn't really know how to tell her and minnie wants to tell him so he doesn't get the wrong idea of her, because the things he's been told aren't really what they seem and she wants him to know and when she tried to tell him-- epic fail. *sigh*
mickey does care about her!!! he really does but he doesn't know how to talk to her & he comes across being mean and that he hates her, but he really doesn't!!!he said that he's trying to love her, but she makes it difficult. which i guess i can understand because not everyone gets along. but still.... *sigh*.
he's just trying to protect her and she knows that. and she, as much as she appreciates him trying to protect her, doesn't really want his protection and doesn't think that she needs it. but the truth is, she should take advantage of atleast some of his protection/advice because he just wants her to take it into consideration but she doesn't want to because she wants to be indpendant & who can blame her??? but at the same time, she really should just LISTEN to him (even if she doesn't follow it!!) because you never know when he's going to stop giving advice/ offering his help & protection. and, of course!, by then, she might want it and might need it.

you know what?? i told "mickey" this when we were alone yesterday, and i was completely honest!!! it was something like this, "I'm being 100% honest with you when i say this; i wish my brother cared for me even a little bit like you care for your sister."
I hope he really took that into consideration & hopefully he take that and realize that he should still keep on protecting her, or trying to protect her. I wish i told "minnie" that, and then maybe she'd atleast listen to what "mickey" is saying. It's not like she's completely ignoring him, but at the same time i got the impression that she's just openly refusing to listen to what he has to say!!!

i wish that they could work this out because it might cause some serious damage to their relationship.

fyi: if you hadn;t noticed this, the names have been changed to maintain/protect their privacy. i sort of wish that they'd read this so they could see both sides of their story.